Flavored Mayonnaise Is Not Aioli

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As one could probably guess, I watch a lot of shows on Food Network.  I was watching Trisha’s Southern Kitchen when host, Trisha was making “Smoky Aioli” for over potatoes.  Her aioli was a combination of  mayonnaise, ketchup, smoked paprika, garlic salt, and hot sauce.  The only problem is, IT'S FLAVORED MAYONNAISE, NOT AIOLI!

Aioli is made from garlic and oil while mayo is made from egg yolks and oil.  Mayonnaise, by definition, contains eggs.  Aioli, by definition, contains no eggs.  This is the reason there's no such thing as “vegan mayonnaise.”  Mayonnaise contains eggs.

It's a simple distinction.  Yet, bizarrely, chefs and restaurants keep making flavored mayonnaises and calling them aioli.  Granted, most of the time there's no harm done.  If a diner is vegan or allergic to eggs, and they think they’re ordering aioli, the results can range from annoying to lethal.

Stonewall Kitchen Roasted Garlic Aioli
Photo Courtesy of Amazon's Affiliate Program.

Even products on stores' shelves are misleading. When I typed "aioli" into Amazon's search engine, Stonewall Kitchen Roasted Garlic Aioli was the first product to pop up.

Terrapin Farms Avocado Aioli
Photo Courtesy of Amazon's Affiliate Program.

Yet, the first two ingredients listed are Canola Oil and "Whole Salted Eggs." Several other aioli products appeared which either listed eggs or didn't list ingredients on their Amazon page. 

It wasn't until I typed "vegan aioli" that I found Terrapin Farms Avocado Aioli, which fit the definition of aioli. Other products fit the definition, but were calling themselves "Vegan Mayonnaise," which isn't actually a thing.

Many diners won't ask questions about the food they’re ordering for fear looking stupid and/or annoying.  Likewise, a good number of shoppers don't stop to read the backs of jars because they’re in a hurry. 

When you're ordering food, in a restaurant BE ANNOYING!  When you're shopping for groceries READ THE LABELS!  It’s the food you're going to eat.   Shows on Food Network are usually pretty reliable sources of information. When even they’re mislabeling one as the other, you have a right to know everything about your food before you put it in your mouth.

My Beef With Misinformation About Beef

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I enjoy browsing on Pinterest.  I've found cocktail recipes, side dishes, graphics for my screensaver, etc...  Many of the graphics on the site are infographics, pictorial fact sheets which can display anything from the evolution the Ford Mustang, to best selling vodka brands, to a timeline of Teddy Roosevelt's life.  Such graphics are usually well researched.

Then there are the screwballs.  I opened my email Pinterest newsletter to find a graphic outlining five grades of beef; Choice, Prime, Wagyu, Wagyu from Japan, and Prime 30 day dry aged.

The USDA recognizes eight, and only eight, grades of beef. 

1.  U.S. Prime – Highest in quality and intramuscular fat, limited supply. Currently, about 2.9% of carcasses grade as Prime.  Prime cuts make superb steaks and roasts.

2.  U.S. Choice – High quality, widely available in foodservice industry and retail markets. Choice carcasses are 53.7% of the fed cattle total.  These are also good for roasts and steaks, but are less marbled and flavorful than Prime cuts. 

3.  U.S. Select (formerly known as U.S. Good) – lowest grade commonly sold for retail.  These cuts are of an acceptable quality, but are less flavorful, juicy, and tender due their lack of marbling.  Fat equals flavor.  The ribs, loin, and tender loin, are somewhat tender and are good for outdoor grilling and bar-bar-cuing.

4.  U.S. Standard – Lower quality, yet economical, lacking marbling.  Standard and Commercial cuts are cheap because they’re tough.  Yet, they’re usable in dishes which are cooked low and slow such as chili and stews. 

5.  U.S. Commercial – Low quality, lacking tenderness, produced from older animals.

6.  U.S. Utility - This and the two following grades are essentially void of tenderness, and are mostly used for canned & processed foods, occasionally really cheap hamburger. 

7.  U.S. Cutter

8.  U.S. Canner 

Wagyu isn't a grade of beef, it's a breed, like angus.   Meat from that breed can be graded as prime.  The  breed is renowned for its marbling because there's no room in Japan to allow the cattle to graze.  As a result, the animal develops less muscle and more fat.  Again, fat equals flavor.  

Dry aged beef isn't a grade of beef.  It's beef which has been dried on a rack in a dedicated refrigerator, or cold room, for many days or even weeks.  As the meat sacrifices its moisture, the enzymatic reactions are tenderizing the meat again creating a nutty depth of flavor.  RingSide Steakhouse in Portland, Oregon offers a filet mignon, which has been dry aged for 30 days for $71.75.

The creators of the infographic in question made sure to list a copyright along its bottom edge, so I don't feel comfortable posting it here.  You can click the link to it in the second paragraph of this blog if you're interested though. 

Most infographics are well researched informative tools.  However, every now then and one comes along which makes readers stop... scratch their heads... and think, "WTF."  That's OK though.  You should question EVERYTHING you read online or offline, especially when it involves your food. 

Below are some meat related infographics which are actually helpful.  You can click each graphic to see its full  sized version.  Happy Eating!  🥩

Last But Not Least:

Food Trends

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The mimosas are gone. The glazed ham, biscuits & gravy, and shrimp & grits have been picked clean. Brunch is over, and the nephews just left with their; toys, books, and puppets; from Uncle James marking an end to Christmas 2019. Now that I have no more cards to write or gifts to shop for, I can finally return to blogging.

Subject: Ghost Pepper Fries from Wendy's | Date: 05/20/15 |
Photographers: James Kiester & Dani Cogswell | This picture was taken by the author of this blog. |

Being a self-proclaimed foodie, I subscribe to a number of food & drink newsletters. While I was perusing my inbox, I came across "The Food Trends Predicted to Take Over Menus in 2020" from Eater.com.

The world of food is as susceptible to trends as the worlds off music, fashion, and haircuts are. No kidding. Over the last few years fast food eaters have dined/snacked on “Ghost Pepper” flavored burgers & fries, Pretzel Buns, and Filled Cores (sundaes, burritos, etc....), while fine dining chefs made a habit using cooking with Alternative Proteins and topping dishes with Sunny Side Up Eggs.

I’m not going to plagiarize Eater.com’s list here, you can click the hotlink for the full list. I simply have some thoughts to share in response to their piece.

The veggie burger trend has been picking up steam since last summer. Frequent readers will remember that I tried Burger King's Impossible Burger and didn't care for it. Not only did it not taste beef, the patty While I will never be a convert to the proverbial church of faux meat, I think it's nice to see products being made available to the vegetarian population.

Of course, corporate food is more interested in creating new revenue streams than in “being nice.” Nevertheless, the result is the same. Yet, I wonder if it wouldn't make more sense to offer a few straight foreword vegetarian options (quinoa bowls, veggie wraps etc....) rather than trying to make vegetarian dishes look like carnivorous fare.

While most food trends have the shelf life of an unrefrigerated gallon of milk, they do serve a purpose. Such trends are the result of experimentation which propels innovation. Think about it, without trends testing the culinary waters, we’d still be eating wedge salads, tuna noodle casseroles, and Chicken a la King our grandparents ate.

That being said, some trends strike me as silly, if not downright stupid. I will never, and you can hold me to this, I will never use a glazed doughnut as a hamburger bun. I don’t know about you, but I don't want mayonnaise, ketchup, or mustard anywhere near my doughnut. Nor, do I want a tough and chewy pretzel bun on my burger or hotdog. The attraction of using a bun which an eater can’t comfortably bite through is lost on me.

At their best, food trends have the ability to keep things fresh and exciting for those of us who like to try new things. This is not to say that eaters should jump aboard every epicurean bandwagon which comes along. If a trend intrigues me, I’ll check it out. I love trying new foods and flavor combinations. However, I won’t latch onto something simply because it is a trend. Sometimes the proverbial emperor is naked.

Seasons Eatings Revisited

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I’d finished writing the following blog before I realized I’d written a similar blog, on the same topic, four years ago. Nevertheless, some things deserve to be addressed again, especially when they keep coming up in conversation.
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BBQ for Summer, Hearty Pastrami Sandwich for Fall,

Smothered Pancakes for Winter, Baked Eggs Florentine for Spring | 

All pictures taken by James Kiester & Dani Cogswell |

If you have read this blog for any length of time, you've seen my best friend’s name credited for many of the photographs I’ve used here. While we’re as close as two platonic friends can be, we don’t always agree.

We were watching Pioneer Woman make a hearty stew, and I commented that it would be a good dish for fall. She floored me when she said there was no such thing as seasonal food. She’d eat anything she liked any time of year.

Granted, no matter what the calendar says, I’m not going to turn down a medium rare steak or a double cheeseburger. However, I do find myself gravitating toward some foods over others, depending upon the time of year.

• Spring – I tend to lean toward fresh greens, salads, and light crisp white wines.
• Summer – I want fair/ball park foods. Hotdogs, ice cream, and garlic fries all washed down with a easy drinking pilsner or lager are on my checklist.
• Fall – Now is the time for rich stews and soups, stuffed turkeys, and smoked meats & cheeses alongside bold red wines and stouts.
• Winter – The line between fall and winter foods blurs for me. I find myself wanting many of the same cold weather foods during winter that I wanted in autumn. However, during Christmas I want my nut covered cheese ball and standing rib roast washed down with plenty of eggnog and/or mulled wine.

Of course, these are very generalized examples in order to illustrate a much broader rule of thumb. I’m sure you can think of a myriad of other dishes which you only crave during certain times of the year.

Leave a comment with some of your favorite seasonal dishes.

Why We Cook

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Quora.com is a site where people ask questions for others to answer.  Recently, someone asked, “Why do some people cook all the time when it’s time consuming and sometimes recipes don’t turn out good?”

I was surprised by the question, and after thinking about it for two minutes I gave the following answer.
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Photo Courtesy of Amazon's Affiliate Program.

People, such as I, want to control the quality of the food they eat.  Prepackaged food is convenient for a quick bite, but when I prepare my own food I determine the amount of salt, spice, and everything else which goes into the dish.  Amounts aside, when I cook I control the quality of the ingredients I use.

Take chili for example.  In a can of Hormel Chili with Beans there's (Water, Beef and Pork, Beans, Concentrated Crushed Tomatoes, Contains 2% or less of Modified Cornstarch, Textured Soy Flour, Corn Flour, Salt, Chili Powder ((Chili Peppers, Flavoring)), Sugar, Flavoring, Green Chiles ((Contains Citric Acid)), Onions, Spices, Jalapeno Peppers, and Vinegar).

First of all, I have no idea what cut or grade of beef they're using, or why they're adding pork, sugar, & soy flour.  Plus, “flavoring” could be anything.

If I make my own chili, I can make it with:

3 lbs ground beef or ground chuck 
3 fresh Poblano peppers
2 medium onions
3 10-oz cans diced tomatoes
4 1/2 Tbsp  Chile powder
1 1/2 tsps ground comino (cumin seed)
1 1/2 tsps paprika
3 cloves garlic

Brown the meat.  Add finely chopped onions and garlic. When
onions are clear, add tomatoes and spices. Add water to barely cover, and
simmer until meat is tender. Add chopped Poblano for last 20 minutes of
Simmer.

No sugar, flour, pork, or “flavorings" are involved, and I can make sure to use Grade A meat.  If I want maximum flavor I can use a 70% - 30% grind, but if I’m watching my weight I can use a 80% - 20% grind.  

The point is, by cooking, I'm controlling the flavor and healthiness of my food.
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Ethics in Food Blogging

Every field of endeavor has accompanying set of ethical guidelines to govern said field.  Doctors have to take the Hippocratic oath.  Lawyers have to obey the constitution.  Yet, food blogging is a relatively new field. Sure, there have been food critics for over a century, but there were magazine/newspaper editors and publishers that the critics were accountable to.

Today, anyone with a computer and an appetite can blog about food, including me.  As a result, there are no checks and balances in the field.  Anyone can write any opinion they want, and publish the piece without anyone fact checking the work.  Some believe this means there are no ethical standards for food bloggers.  I submit to you that there are ethical standards whether, or not, bloggers choose to follow them.

Subject: Steak & Fries | Date: 02/27/2009 | Photographer: LWY | This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic License.

Hold the mayo - Perhaps the most common error food bloggers make is having their order customized.  They order something with ingredients added or left off.  I have seen blogs where the blogger ordered a burger with no mayo, then he wrote that the burger was too dry.  OF COURSE IT WAS TOO DRY, HE LEFT THE MAYO OFF!

In order to do a food review, the blogger has to order the food the way it was intended to be eaten.  Otherwise, they are not reviewing the dish everybody will be ordering.  There's no point in writing such a blog.

Personal bias - Another pitfall food bloggers need to be aware of is personal bias.  For example, my brother owns a restaurant in Portland called Pinky's Pizzeria.  I can not review the food there because my brother owns it.  Technically, I could do it as I along as I divulge my connection to the restaurant.  I did just that, not long ago, when I reviewed a cheese snack, which is made and marketed by my friend's mother.
However, as a rule, it's best to steer clear of such conflicts of interest.  The blogger would either have to give a good review, or risk being be very uncomfortable at Thanksgiving dinner.  It's not worth the hassle.

Outright lying - Sadly, some writers don't bother going to the restaurant that they are writing about.  I'll use my brother's restaurant again as a good example.  Somebody wrote a beautiful blog about how Pinky's serves a wonderful almond pizza.  The only problem is they have never put almonds on their pizza.  They don't even have that option on their list of toppings.  The writer had never gone there.  This is as unethical as it gets.  For weeks, people kept coming to Pinky's to try the almond pizza, and would leave angry when they couldn't get it.

Somebody once compared the internet to the wild west; anything goes.  While there are no sheriffs online to keep bloggers honest, there are common sense rules which all ethical bloggers should adopt.  If they don't do it for moral reasons, they should adopt such standards in order to be taken seriously by readers.  If food bloggers become known for fudging the truth, people will quit reading food blogs.

Meanwhile, people who read blogs should take what they read them with a grain of salt.  Seriously, I'm a food blogger and I'm advising you to be weary of what you read in food blogs.  What's that about?  The best advice I can offer is to find a blogger who appears to share your tastes, and put him/her to the test.  Is the Pasta Carbonara as creamy as the reviewer said it was?  Is the new burger at McDonald's as bad as the blog made it seem?  Put food blogs to the test until you find one you can trust.

Real Men Eat Quiche Too

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Diageo, the company which distills and markets the best-selling scotch whisky, Johnnie Walker, recently announced it would sell a limited-edition 12-year Black Label blended whiskey featuring a woman in a top hat on its label instead of its signature striding man logo.  Jane Walker, is meant to "celebrate women" by making scotch less intimidating to woman, Bloomberg News reports.

Introducing Jane Walker, our new icon that celebrates progress in Women’s Rights. With every step, we all move forward. pic.twitter.com/1YP32odgJk

— Johnnie Walker (@JohnnieWalkerUS) February 26, 2018

While I applaud their efforts to honor women, I'm not sure this campaign doesn't demean women just a little. Keep in mind, this gender shift is taking place on the heels of the recent Doritos debacle.

A few months ago Frito Lays announced they were going to market a less messy Dorito chip just for women. They were putting all women in one box as if they're all "girly."  Thinking of women as dainty little maidens is as silly as thinking of "real men" being too macho to eat quiche.

I don't know about you, but I know plenty of women who enjoy Doritos just as they are. Plus, I have never, and I mean never, met a woman who was "intimidated" by whisky. I've known people of both genders who did not like whiskey, but none of them were intimidated by it.

Of course gender targeted advertising is nothing new when it comes to food. The next time you watch TV pay attention to the commercials. Women are hocking diet meals while men are cooking stuff on the grill. The beer ads feature burly men chugging suds and watching a game.  Meanwhile, the wine ads show the beautiful women wearing short dresses while drinking wine on the patio.  Diet meals and wine are enjoyed by ladies as the men guzzle brews and cook meat with fire.

I'm a guy. I like wine. I love quiche. I've even had a diet meal or two. Yes I know that "big food" companies are targeting niche demographics for maximum effect. I get that however, it seems to me that they are promoting an unnecessary distinction between genders. I know guys who are more girly than any woman you'll meet and I know women who can drink any guy under the table.

We are who we are. It's time to let "big food" know that gender does not necessarily determine who we are or what we eat and drink.

I'm off to eat some quiche.

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Quiche Loraine 9-inch pie crust 1 cup white onions, sliced 1/2 of a red sweet pepper 3 tbsp. butter 1 1/2 cups grated cheddar cheese 1 cup milk 4 eggs pinch of black pepper 10 strips bacon Put your favorite pie crust in a 9-inch pie plate, Flute edge but do not prick. Sautée onions & sweet pepper in butter until onions are soft. Then put in bottom of crust. Sprinkle with grated cheddar cheese. Beat milk, eggs & black pepper together and pour into pie on top of cheese. Bake in a preheated 450 degree oven for 10 minutes. Top with bacon in spoke pattern, then reduce heat to 350 and bake for an additional 30 to 40 minutes or until set around edges and slightly soft in centre. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

Crab Quiche pastry for 9 inch pie pan 1 lb crab meat 2tb chopped parsley 2tb dry white wine or dry vermouth salt and pepper to taste 4 eggs lightly beaten 1 1/2 cup milk cayenne pepper to taste 1 egg white paprika to taste Line bottom of pie pan, cover and refrigerate for one hour. preheat oven to 450. mix crab meat with parsley, wine or vermouth, salt and pepper. in a separate bowl, combine eggs, milk and cayenne pepper. brush pastry with egg white, fill crab mixture. pour egg mixture on top. sprinkle with paprika and bake 10 minutes. reduce heat to 350, bake 40 minutes longer or until set. quiche is done when a knife inserted in the center comes out clean.

Smoked Gouda And Onion Quiche 1 Tablespoon Butter 1/2 medium Onion, diced 1 Deep-dish pie shell (frozen) 3/4 cup Smoked Gouda cheese, grated 4 Eggs 1 1/2 cups Half and Half 1 1/2 teaspoon Parsley, chopped Dash White pepper 1/8 teaspoon Salt Preheat oven to 375. Melt the butter in a small skillet. Add the onions and cook until just soft. Set aside. Bake the empty pie shell for 5 minutes. Remove from the oven and place it on a cookie sheet. Place the cheese in the bottom of the warm shell. In a mixing bowl, lightly beat the eggs. Whisk in the half and half, parsley, onions, and seasonings. Pour into the shell. Bake for 25-35 minutes, or until the pie is firm. Serve warm or chilled.

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Shoot Me If I EVER Care

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I was listening to the "Is it Time to Make Up with Merlot?" episode of America's Test Kitchen last weekend, during which Chris Kimball interviewed, wine expert, Stephen Meuse.  At one point, Meuse made the statement, "...once people come to think of a wine as kitsch (cheesy; tacky) they don’t want to be seen drinking it. I often encounter folks who simply refuse to drink chardonnay—even in its most authentic and delicious forms— because they feel the wine is kitsch."

The quote festered in my brain for the rest of the day, and well into the night.  The idea that people might not consume something, because it's "kitsch," bothered me.  Heck, forget the past tense, it still bothers me.

Do we really have to eat and drink the right things in order to sit at the cool kids' table?  Is admittance to the cool kids' table really that important?  If so, I'm in trouble.

• I love Brie, Gouda, Huntsman, and most other "serious cheeses," but I also enjoy cheap sliced American Cheese on a grilled cheese sandwich and orange molten cheese sauce on my nachos.
• Robert Parker would probably scoff at me, because I like sweeter wines, and beers for that matter.
• I truly enjoy dining on a foie gras appetizer followed by a filet mignon and a dirty martini at a nice restaurant.  Yet, I can also enjoy a Double Decker Taco from Taco Bell.

Does my enjoyment of common mundane foods exclude me from membership in the serious eaters' club?  Maybe it does. *shrug*  The point is, I don't give a flying *&*^.  I'll never turn away a Whopper because the beef isn't grass fed, nor will I select a lip puckering brute simply because the sommelier thinks it goes with fish.

The day that I become so wrapped up in what people think, and so desperate to sit at the cool kids' table, that I change what I eat and drink, just shoot me pal.

Best Of My Holiday Blogs

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After publishing 184 food blogs, I've run out of holiday topics. I can only talk about turkey/wine pairings and oyster dressing so many years in a row. I could veer from talking about traditional holiday food, and write about cutting edge gastronomic fare, such as turkey which dissolves on the tongue. That's not genuine cooking to me though, and it certainly has nothing to do with holiday fare.

Instead, I’ll be taking a break from blogging. During the next 6 weeks I’m going to; design & send this year’s Christmas card, design next year’s calendar, rewrite a few chapters of my book, and look into raising money for a copyright lawyer so I can self publish “Murder According To Hoyle.”

In the meantime, readers can browse some of my best holiday blogs.

Title: Turkey | Date: 10/27/2010 | Photographer: Howard Portnoy | This graphic was released into the public domain by the photographer.

Kicking Off Thanksgiving Dinner - Covers Deviled Eggs and other Thanksgiving appetizers, and includes my Oyster Dressing recipe |

A Taste Of The First Thanksgiving |

What are the Best Holiday Wine & Food Pairings? - A Guest Post by Vintage Wine Gifts |

Feed Someone This Thanksgiving |

A Taste Of Traditional English Christmas Dinner |

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Instead of the usual links to related products, you'll find links to a few hunger related charities, you can donate to, at the bottom of this entry.

| No Kid Hungry | Save The Children | Feed The Children | Random Acts Of Pizza | | Meals On Wheels | Loaves & Fishes |
| Portland's Sunshine Division |

SEE YOU IN 2016!

Seasonal Eating? Pt. 2

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Title: Roast beef with Yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes and vegetables | Photographer: HotBabyHot | Date: 03/29/2007 | This graphic was released into the public domain by the photographer.

As I said in my last blog, I remarked to my friend, Dani, that a certain recipe would be a good soup for Fall. She looked at me as if I'd confessed to being D.B. Cooper. The idea of "seasonal food" was a foreign idea to her.

I was taken aback by her reaction.  Being a "food person," I figured people generally ate; rustic & smoky dishes (sausages, roast beef, pot pie) in the fall, heavy bone warming dishes (mac and cheese, foul dressing, stew) in the winter, crisp fresh greens (spinach, spring greens, asparagus) in the spring, and grilled foods (corn on the cob, BBQ ribs, burgers) in the summer.

Of course, we eat many other things outside of those boxes, and I knew there was plenty of overlap, but I thought seasonal eating was a generally practiced rule of thumb.  Struck by the possibility that seasonal eating wasn't as common a practice as I had first thought, I conducted a poll and asked my readers if they eat according to season.


Screenshot of results of poll taken at On My Plate: Seasonal Eating?.
Nobody, who took the poll, was strict about eating only seasonal foods.  However, 60% of those polled said they at least try to eat seasonally.  The other 40% claimed their diet isn't influenced by the time of year.  I'd tend to question the accuracy of the second statistic.

Few people, if anyone, enjoy fruitcake and eggnog in April, roast a turkey with all the trimmings in August, or grill ribs in their backyard in December.  Weather and holiday traditions DO dictate, to some degree, when we eat certain foods.

Tradition aside though, in an era of super markets and chain restaurants, we CAN pretty much eat what we want when we want.  Unlike our ancestors, who were limited in what they could eat by growing seasons and geography, we can go to Applebee's in February for those ribs.  We can buy oranges in June, asparagus in October, and tomatoes in December.  They're watery tomatoes, which have been bread for greenhouse mass production, rather than flavor, but they're tomatoes.

While we're technically not limited in what we can eat at any given time, I don't think there's any denying that many foods are going to taste better during certain times of year.  Tomatoes and corn on the cob are going to taste better purchased from a Farmers' Market in August than ones found in the grocery store in March.
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Seasonal Eating?

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Recently, I came across a recipe for Corn & Cheese Chowder on Pinterest.  With corn, bacon, onions, bell peppers, and two kinds of cheese in a creamy base, I remarked to my friend, Dani, this would be a good soup for Fall.  She looked at me as if I'd announced my candidacy for President of Mars.  The idea of "seasonal food" was a foreign concept to her.

Historically, people ate what was accessible during certain times of year.  However, now that we have grocery stores, I wonder if people still eat seasonally.

Before I write a full blog about this I'd like input from my readers.  Please use the survey below and let me know if you eat seasonally.

Does the season influence what you eat?

Yes, I only eat what's in season.

I try to eat what's in season, but it's not a strict rule.

No, I can buy whatever food I want all year.

pollcode.com free polls

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Water Water Everywhere

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I was at Fred Meyer, an Oregon grocery store owned by Kroger, when I passed a shelf displaying multiple types of bottled water.  While the selection of over a dozen brands of bottled water floored me, I had NO idea that the Natural Resources Defense Council actually counts the number of brands selling bottled water in the United States to be more than 700.

Subject: Bottled Water | Date: 08/05/15 |
Photographers: James Kiester & Dani Cogswell | This picture was taken by the author of this blog. |

I find it interesting that there are so many versions of the exact same product.  Understand, this is water in bottles, with different labels.

Companies DO try to put their own spin on the product.  One company states their bottled water is, "made by nature, not by man."  All water is made by nature.

Another purveyor of packaged H2O puts on their bottles, and I'm not making this up, their "pure pristine water is imported from Earth."  Forget the implication that other bottled water is from extraterrestrial sources.  Linguistically, you can't "import" a product from a place where you are.  If a product is from a place where you are, we call that a domestic product.

The fact that 700 companies sell enough bottled water to make the enterprise economically viable means consumers are buying this stuff like potato chips.  It's been said that Americans spend $6 billion a year on bottled water because it's safer than tap water.  Ah, but this is not so Number One Son.

According to Food & Water Watch, common tap water is tested more frequently than bottled water.  The drinking water, from our faucets, is continuously monitored and treated according to federal standards. If local tap water is unsafe then water companies are obligated, under federal law, to notify the public, and correct the problem.

Admittedly, if you're putting together an Earthquake emergency kit, or a roadside emergency kit, the inclusion of bottled water makes sense.  It might also make sense in some sports/training situations.  Even in these cases though, price should be the only factor determining which brand a person buys.
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The Myth Of Eggless Mayo And Beefless Burgers

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Dictionary.com defines "mayonnaise" [mey-uh-neyz] as a thick dressing of egg yolks, vinegar or lemon juice, oil, and seasonings, used for salads, sandwiches, vegetable dishes, etc.

Photo courtesy of Amazon's Affiliate Program.

Recently, Hampton Creek has gone into the business of selling a vegan mayonnaise called Just Mayo, which does not contain eggs.  The problem is, there's no such thing as "vegan mayonnaise," since eggs are a defining ingredient of mayonnaise.

In my opinion, if Hampton Creek wants their eggless product "Vegan Dressing," or "Vegan Bread Spread" that's fine.  They simply shouldn't call it mayonnaise.  On Wednesday, the FDA agreed, ruling that products labeled "mayo" or "mayonnaise" must contain eggs.

While Just Mayo's case is relatively recent news, the debate over terminology on food labels is nothing new.  I remember being in grade school and learning the courts had ruled Pringles

Photo courtesy of Amazon's Affiliate Program.

aren't "potato chips."  According to the ruling, potato chips are thin slices, or "chips," of potato which are seasoned and fried.

Pringles, on the other hand, are made from a mixture of 40% potato,  rice, wheat and corn.  The mixture rolled out into a very thin sheet, cut out into perfect ovals,  pressed into molds (to give them their stackable shape), blow dried, sprayed with flavors, and stacked into cans.  Thus, they're "crisps," rather than chips.

In a similar vein, a "hamburger" is a patty of ground beef, named after Hamburg, Germany's second largest city.  The definitive phrase in that sentence is "ground beef."  One can't have a chicken burger, fish burger, or veggie burger.  One can have a chicken patty sandwich on a bun, a fish patty sandwich on a bun, or a vegetable patty sandwich on a bun, but please don't call it a burger.

True, depending on where one lives dictates whether one has a; hoagie, sub, grinder, or Dagwood; for lunch, washes it down with a; pop, soda, or Coke (all soft drinks are "Cokes" in Texas); then goes home to a casserole or hot dish for dinner.  However, having regional differences in names for the same food is different than labeling a food as something it's not.

• If one wants to sell an eggless bread spread, that's fine, just don't call it "mayonnaise."
• If one wants to sell a crisp snack made from a 40% potato mixture, I'm all for it, just don't call it a "chip."
•  If one wants to sell a veggie patty sandwich, more power to 'em, just don't call it a "burger."

Call food what it is, that's all I'm saying.

By the way, if you want a really good burger, check out the recipe below.

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My Chile Cheeseburger Recipe

Ground beef is the least expensive grind, and contains the most fat, up to 30 percent fat. Since the juiciest, most flavorful burgers, result from a grind of 70 percent lean to 30 percent fat, ground beef, from a trusted (pink slime free) butcher/grocer, is really all you need.

For those hung up on the health thing, you can use the slightly more expensive ground chuck, which comes from the shoulder and neck part of the animal, an area producing the chuck primal cut, often containing 15 to 20 percent fat. If you use the chuck grind, you want a ratio of 80 percent lean to 20 percent fat. Beef grinds containing less than 15 percent fat make dry tasteless burgers.

Subject: My Chile Cheeseburger | Date: 05/26/13 |
Photographers: James Kiester & Dani Cogswell | This picture was taken by the author of this blog. |

Ingredients:

1 1/2 pounds 70/30 ground beef
McCormick's Montreal Steak Seasoning
1 4.5 oz can chopped green chilies
8 slices American cheese
4 hamburger buns, split
Mayo (or eggless bread spread) & ketchup to taste

Procedure:

Set your stove's burner to medium heat per manufacturer's instructions.

Divide your grind into 4 equal burgers.  Season the one side of each burger with the steak seasoning. Place the burgers into a nonstick pan, seasoned side down and cook covered, until nicely browned on the bottom, about 4 minutes.

DO NOT PRESS ON THE BURGERS AS THEY COOK!  Doing so only forces the juices out and leaves you with a dry burger.

Season the other side of the burgers with the seasoning, then flip them carefully and continue to cook.  Top each cooking burger with 1 ounce of chopped green chiles, cover with one slice of American Cheese, and continue to cook, covered, until an instant-read thermometer inserted sideways into the center of each patty registers 160°F for well done, about 4 to 5 minutes longer.

Dab mayo, or eggless bread spread, on both halves of the bun, ketchup if desired, apply second slice of American Cheese to the bottom half of the bun, top with burger patty, and close with top half of bun.

You'll be treated to a creamy cheesy slightly spicy sandwich of savory beef.

Makes 4 Chile Cheeseburgers.

Note: Some professional chefs cook hamburgers to medium-well, warm with little or no pink, (150° to 155°), or even medium-rare, warm and red, (130° to 135°).  However, these chefs, ideally, grind their beef themselves and store it under pristine conditions.  Retail ground beef and home grind cooked to a temperature below 160°F can't be guaranteed to be safe.

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Recipe prints as a single page for your recipe file or refrigerator.
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Good Food isn't Decadent

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"Decadent" [dek-uh-duh nt, dih-keyd-nt] has traditionally been defined as, "something, or someone, which is decayed, spoiled, rotten, or sinful."
 

Subject: A bacon cheeseburger | Date: 01/15/2010 | Photographer: Like the Grand Canyon |This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

Bizarrely, we've assigned the label to rich delicious food.  I can't watch Food Network with hearing about some tempting morsel being described as decadent.  Every time I hear it, I want reach through the screen and pop Giada's bobble-sized head right off of her neck.

I, for one, don't want my food to be decayed and rotten, kimchi aside.  I'd much rather have fresh tasty food.  So, where does the label come from?  Why do we look at a bacon cheeseburger, for example, and call it decadent?

I think we look at a stack of; beef, cheese, and bacon; see it as a fat & calorie bomb, and think of eating it as being a sin.  Then, we equate good food with sinful food.  Thus, good food becomes decadent.

This is nuts.  There's nothing sinful, or evil, about good food.  It might be a sin to drop $1,000 on a Golden Opulence Sundae topped with 23-carat edible gold leaf, and a dollop of sweet Grande Passion caviar while children are starving a few blocks away.  Yet, that sin has more to do with wasteful greed than the ice cream itself.

Bottom line, unless one is part of a religion with certain dietary restrictions, or has strict orders from a doctor, there's nothing sinful about eating good food.  The fact that we point to food we like and call it evil, or decadent, says WAY more about us than it says about the food.
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My Red Nosed Reaction

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On May 21st NBC dedicated their primetime slots to Red Nose Day. I’d seen the $1.00 noses at Walgreens and the commercials, but I didn’t understand what it was. An hour before it hit the air, I put myself into irreverent foodie mode a tweeted that if I wanted a red nose I’d open a bottle of vodka.

From the comfort of my cozy bed, I turned the special on. My HD the screen showed Jack Black being guided, through a city in Uganda, by a 12 year old homeless boy. When the boy showed him the best garbage bins to eat from, my heart sank. When the boy begged to go home with Jack, I completely lost it and cried.

Completely embarrassed by my half assed attempt at online humor, I began thinking about the general unfairness of the world. When I treat myself to fast food, I tend to fill up and leave a few fries uneaten. It occurred to me that in a world of uneaten leftovers and gluttonous pleasure eating, NO CHILD SHOULD BE GOING HUNGRY!

I could site statistics about how many children go hungry each day. It’s been done though. We’ve all heard the numbers, clucked out tongues, and agreed it’s a damn shame. OK, it’s a damn shame. The question is, what are we going to do about it?
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At the bottom of this entry, instead of the usual links to related products, you'll find links to a few hunger related charities, including RedNoseDay.org, which you can donate to.

| RedNoseDay.org | No Kid Hungry | Save The Children | Feed The Children || Random Acts Of Pizza |

Standards And Criteria in Reviews Plus Jersey Mike's Sandwiches

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I review many food related offerings and rate them from 1 star to 10 stars.  Lately, it's occurred to me just how subjective such a scale can be.  What qualifies something as a "10?"  Can a steak dinner and a fast food sandwich achieve the same score?  If any reviews are to be taken seriously, these are the kinds of questions which need to be addressed.

Subject: Steak & Fries | Date: 02/27/2009 | Photographer: LWY | This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic License.

A quality scale can span any range the critic chooses, as long as the critic uses the same scale consistently.  Daym Drops reviews fast food dishes on a 5 point system.  More famously, Robert Parker critiques wine on his, frequently sited, 100 point scale.  As a tongue in cheek way of emphasizing the random nature of such scales, the critics of "The Two Minute Reviews" critique foods on a 37 point system.

While the numerical value of a particular score can be a matter of poetic license, the criteria behind the scores should be consistent.  One should never allow mood to influence the rating of an item or restaurant.  The fact that one of my assistants quit working for me has nothing to with the way my sandwich tastes.  Knocking a dish because I'm grumpy would be completely irresponsible.

Likewise, I can't think, "Dish A was a 10, so what I'm eating now can only be an 8, at best."  A steakhouse steak is always going to be more satisfying than a fast food sandwich.  That doesn't mean the sandwich isn't doing its job though.  It's not trying to be a steak, so I can't compare it to one.

To rate something correctly, I ask myself a series of questions.  What is the food/restaurant trying to be?  Is it fulfilling the claims it's making?  Is it worth the price?  Would I partake of this again?  Answers to these questions gives me a value, which I can express in terms of a 10 point scale.

10 stars = I need this in my life from this day forward|
09 stars = Everyone needs to try this, it's wonderful|
08 stars = It's as good as I thought it would be|
07 stars = It's good, but it missed in a few minor ways|
06 stars = It's passable, but I wouldn't go out of my way for it|
05 stars = It's barely tolerable but cheap|
04 stars = Their charging what for this spew?|
03 stars = It's 1970s school lunch quality bad|
02 stars = It's lousy and a possible health risk|
01 stars = The people responsible for this should be prosecuted|

Subject: Jersey Mike's Chipotle Cheese Steak | Date: 01/30/2015 | Photographers: James Kiester & Dani Cogswell This picture was taken by the author of this blog.

For  example, last week I went to Jersey Mike's at 4105 SW 117th Ave. in Beaverton, Oregon for the first time, which entitled me, right off the bat, to a free chocolate chip cookie.  I had their regular size, about 6 inch, Chipotle Cheese Steak (a pile of paper thin beef, melted Provolone cheese, grilled onions, grilled red & green bell peppers, and chipotle mayo) on white bread.  My friend got a regular size Original Italian Sub (Provolone, ham, prosciuttini, cappacuolo, salami and pepperoni) on white bread.  We both got chips & a medium drink for a combined total of $18.98.

I could definitely taste the meat, cheese, and veggies of my Chipotle Cheese Steak, which were delicious.  However, from something called a "Chipotle" Cheese Steak, I expected a good kick of heat, which just wasn't present.  The chipotle mayo may as well have been everyday Best Foods.

As for Dani's Original Italian Sub, I was initially impressed by the variety of meats included on the sandwich.  Taking a bite though, told me it tasted no different, no better or worse, than Subway's Cold Cut Combo.

Essentially, we got a Subway quality meal for a higher price.  Since the good, but not great, lunch delivered tasty sandwiches, but didn't bring the expected spice one associates with chipotle, Jersey Mike's earns 7 out of 10 stars. 

Of course, in the end all reviews reflect the personal tastes of the reviewer.  Robert Parker, supposedly THE world's defining wine critic, likes really dry wines, whereas I enjoy sweet fruity wines.  Many of the vintages he scores as 80 or below, a failing grade in his opinion, are the very wines I gravitate toward.

A person's best bet is to find a critic who closely shares the reader's/viewer's tastes, and use that critic's opinions, in conjunction with their own judgement, as a guide.  In the end, I can tell you what I like, but only you can decide what you like.
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Cooking Competitions By Any Other Name

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Normally, this blog is a reflection of my opinions.  This time I'm changing things up, I'm looking for your opinion; that's right, your opinion.

Here's the deal, I often disparage reality shows. No, let's be honest, I down right ridicule them for being shallow mind numbing wastes of time.  Bethany Frankel's privileged  life doesn't reflect the day to day struggles of any hard working real housewife I ever met.

If "reality TV" isn't showing us the lives of the spoiled elite, it's depicting "Survivors" trying to stab each other in the back.  Here's a tip, if your "reality" involves you having to screw somebody over to get ahead,  YOU'RE LIVING WRONG!

The idea that such shows reflect "reality" is offensive to me.  While I chastise reality TV for being shallow depictions of the worst traits humanity has to offer, I must admit to watching cooking competitions such as Chopped, Top Chef, Hell's Kitchen, etc...

I enjoy watching contestants create new recipes in order to solve a problems e.g. using unique ingredients from a basket, feed a group of "glampers" (glamor campers), fashion a meal encapsulating the spirit of New Year's Eve, etc...  I see these shows as being food related game shows, participants exhibit a skill with the hope of winning a prize.  Yet, some people include such shows under the umbrella of reality TV.

So, who's right?  Are competitive food shows part of reality TV?  If they are, does bashing reality TV make me a hypocrite?  

Please use the pol below and/or comment section to tell me what you think, and I'll use the results in a future blog.

Supplemental Update - 01/24/15:
The survey template I was using was causing hyperlink problems for my readers.  I can't have that, so I've deleted the script.  However, I'd still like folks to consider the question below and leave your thoughts in the blog's comment section or on Facebook.

Are shows like Top Chef, Chopped, Hell's Kitchen, etc... reality shows or game shows?
A. Cooking competition shows are reality shows.
B. Cooking competition shows are game shows.
C. Game shows ARE reality shows, any distinction is meaningless.
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Feed Someone This Thanksgiving

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The period leading up to Thanksgiving is a food blogger's favorite time of year.  We dig out recipes for; turkey, stuffings, gravy, potatoes, and pies; post basting tips, recommend wine pairings, and generally get pumped for the big feast.  In fact, I recently came across a recipe for Peking-Style Roast Turkey with Molasses-Soy Glaze and Orange-Ginger Gravy, and I'm flirting with the idea of talking my family into going such a route this holiday.  I'm a foodie, it's what I do.

Subject:Child of miner eating lunch on schoolhouse grounds. | Date: 09/04/1946 | Photographer: Russell Lee | This work is in the public domain in the United States because it is a work prepared by an officer or employee of the United States Government as part of that person’s official duties under the terms of Title 17, Chapter 1, Section 105 of the US Code.

Foodies & food bloggers, like myself, generally focus on the next yummy thing.  I was at my computer, ready to blog about an elderberry cider I'd discovered, when Food Network aired a commercial about child hunger.  I looked at the TV, looked at my computer screen, looked at the TV, looked back at my computer screen, sighed, and decided it was time to do some research.

According to the organization No Kid Hungry, "48.8 million Americans—including 16.2 million children— live in households that lack the means to get enough nutritious food on a regular basis. As a result, they struggle with hunger at some time during the year."

Meanwhile, the USDA's latest data states, "In the United States, 31 percent—or 133 billion pounds—of the 430 billion pounds of the available food supply at the retail and consumer levels in 2010 went uneaten. The estimated value of this food loss was $161.6 billion using retail prices. For the first time, ERS estimated the calories associated with food loss: 141 trillion in 2010, or 1,249 calories per capita per day."

Putting these facts together lead me to a single inescapable conclusion.  Children aren't going hungry because there's not enough food.  Children and families are going hungry because we can't distribute the food we do have.


We can't distribute the food.  We can man an international space station and invade any Middle Eastern country we want, but we can't get a kid a sandwich three times a day.  Think about that.

I could go into a tirade over the bumfuzzled political causes of this travesty, but such an epistle would change nothing.  I'd rather spend my ink (pixels) encouraging people to address the problem in their own corners of the world.

Some people can work a soup line, drive meals to shut ins, and/or stock shelves at a local food bank.  Those of us who can't give physical services, can probably donate food and money to a reputable charity dedicated to feeding the hungry.

However we choose to help curb the tide of hunger, it's a good bet that doing so will make our own feast taste better on the 27th.
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Below, you'll find links to a few hunger related charities, you can donate to.

| No Kid Hungry | Save The Children | Feed The Children | | Meals On Wheels | Loaves & Fishes |
| Portland's Sunshine Division |

I Am Simply Done With Some Foods

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I'm known as an avid eater.  I'm all for trying new things and eating outside of the box.  I have no trouble eating pickled pig's feet, goose liver pate, calamari, fried alligator, sprats, smoked oysters, or anchovies.  Yet, some foods, which seem to have become popular, simply leave me flat.

Subject: A Krispy Kreme Burger | Date: 09/25/2008 | Photographer: Jellorama| This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license.

• Popularized by Paula Deen, the Luther Burger, named for singer-songwriter and record producer Luther Vandross, is a hamburger or cheeseburger which uses one or more glazed doughnuts in place of the bun. These sandwiches of ground-beef topped with; lettuce, tomato, pickles, onion, mayo, ketchup, cheese, and, sometimes, bacon; between two doughnuts, or a single split doughnut, are not only grossly unhealthy at approximately 1,500 calories a pop, they're a mess waiting to happen. 

 Doughnuts aren't made with the structural integrity to support greasy toppings. Thus, after a bite or two, assuming the eater can get their mouth around the monstrosity to begin with, the doughnuts will begin to crumble, leaving the eater a lap full of ground beef, lettuce, tomato, pickles, onion, mayo, ketchup, cheese, and, sometimes, bacon.

Besides, ketchup on doughnuts sounds like part of a cruel fraternity hazing. Eeeewwwwww.........

Subject: German Laugengebäck Bread | Date: 12/28/2009 | 
Photographer: Sunbar1 | This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license.

• Ruby Tuesday's, Wendy's, Sonic, and other eateries are selling sandwiches on German Laugengebäck Bread, calling it Pretzel Buns.  Such buns are made from bread dough which has been given a concentrated baking soda bath to give the buns their dark chewy pretzel-esc exterior.  

 However, it's the Pretzel Salt (large-grained salt that does not melt quickly) which makes pretzels so delicious.  Makers of the hip sandwich buns are leaving the salt off the buns' exterior.  The result is a burger, or hotdog, in a tough bun without the savory payoff.  I'd much rather go to a Pretzel Stand for a good warm salty pretzel and leave my burger on a bun I can bite through comfortably.

Subject:IPA (India Pale Ale) | Date: 01/15/2007 | Photographer: Dennis 84| This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license.

• IPA (India Pale Ale) was invented in the late 1700s as a beer that wouldn't spoil on the voyage from England to India.  Back then, IPAs such as Burton brewer's and Hodgson's, were lightly hopped and would not have been considered to be strong ales.  Today, IPAs are overly hopped bitter brews, which I simply can't choke down.

"Serious beer drinkers," in the U.S., pride themselves in liking bold tasting beers, so they've made IPA one of the top selling beer styles in America.  Personally though, I've never had an enjoyable one.  I'm all for flavorful beer, including; Fort George's Quick Wit, Widmer Hefeweizen, and Blue Moon Belgian Wheat; just to name a few of my favorites.  I simply can't get behind a brew that makes me wince & gag every time I take a sip.


Of course, the world of food & drink is made up of a variety of tastes.  To quote Alan Thicke's popular lyrics from the 80s, "...it takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world. Yes it does. It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world."  However, it seems that once some foods are advertised, or are prepared by a celebrity chef, the masses adopt them as favorites, forgetting that the Emperor can, in fact, be naked.
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Answering The Call During Lean Times

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A few years ago, I wrote a blog about people feeding people.  The gist of the piece was that when people think of the food culture, they tend to think of top notch restaurants; artisan produced cheese, beer, and wine; gourmet meals, and rich desserts.  While I love those aspects of the food culture, examples of people feeding people are at the core of the food culture.

My faith in this general truism has been rejustified this week, during the federal shutdown.  Furloughed government workers, in the DC area, will not go hungry thanks to the several area establishments within the "foodie" community.

Chef José Andrés, Culinary Ambassador for the Global Alliance for Clean Cookstoves, at the U.S. Department of State in Washington, D.C., on September 13, 2011.
As a work of the U.S. federal government, the image is in the public domain per 17 U.S.C. § 101 and § 105 and the Department Copyright Information.

Renowned chef Jose Andres is offering free sandwiches every afternoon during the shutdown to government employees. Bring your government ID into one of his three DC eateries; Zaytinya, Oyamel, or Jaleo; from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. during the shutdown and receive a complimentary sandwich.

Z-Burger, the eastern burger chain is offering free burgers, with a valid government ID, to workers during peak lunch and dinner hours, 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. and 5 p.m. to 7 p.m., at four of its DC-area locations: Arlington, Tenleytown, Southwest and Columbia Heights. This offer extends until the end of the government shutdown.

Pork Barrel BBQ, offers free food for the duration of the shutdown to all government employees. The BBQ joint is serving up free pulled pork sandwiches all day, limit one per day, in Alexandria, Va.

Sophie's Cuban DC, is showing its support for furloughed government employees by giving away empanadas. Make any purchase at the restaurant, and show a government ID, and patrons will receive three free empanadas.

Taylor Gourmet, the authentic market specializing in hoagies, is offering furloughed federal workers, "a 10 percent discount, career counseling and a cookie," with the purchase of any hoagie or salad.

Del Campo South American Steakhouse is offering happy hour prices for the duration of the shutdown, all day long, to patrons with a government ID.

Gourmet Cottage Gourmet Cottage, a store specializing in gourmet chocolates, wines, foods and gifts, is offering a government shutdown special of 15% off for all furloughed government workers and contractors with a valid government ID, until the government re-opens.

People seem to have an uncanny knack for pulling together during times of hardship and crisis.  Even though this phenomenon of generosity has, so far, only manifested itself within the DC area, I have no doubt that many more examples of epicurean beneficence will crop up across the country before this budget debacle is over.
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